May 4, 2015

I had a conversation with Steven (my brother) about how he thought I needed to have a blog. It could be one of those awesome things where I post adorable craft ideas or Mom Wisdom and money rolls in from it. At the time, I was severely overwhelmed with life and feeling very lost... many tears were shed that week from the feeling of constantly drowning and not knowing which direction I was even swimming. SO, the idea of a blog felt like a fresh wave had pushed me down. He was trying to lift me up... and it should have done the trick... but I was in a bad place and couldn't hear the comfort. I went to bed and fretted over the idea... then woke up and remembered... I already HAVE a blog! How could I forget that???

A few days later, I ran into an old "friend". A woman who had been an important client of a past employer whose business has since blossomed. She invited me to come work part time for her and I've been popping out there a few days here and there. It has been such a blessing!! I am surrounded by creativity, a booming business, and have access to all things crafty. My Right Brain is exploding!

In light of this, I'm re-invigorating my painting party business. It involves forced and timed creativity... which seems very oxymoronic. I need inspiration, but looking online at others paintings feels very wrong. Someone took time and creative energy to come up with that painting and it feels like theft to use it. So, I have to just keep forcing my brain to think in creative ways on a schedule and then find time to churn a painting out... around all the other scheduled things in our life. Not very conducive to great works of art! I'm going to try to build a creative space into my house... one that is easier to use for a specific purpose... and more easily accessible. And, try to build time into my week to use it. To create, to dream, to play. I think I'll paint a sign that says "Less Pinnin'... More Paintin'" Or something equally adorable and inspiring.

Funny how an encouraging (overwhelming) conversation with a loved one can come around and put you into a place where you are ready to receive the doors that God is about to open for you. Now, if He can just download something into me to help me not feel like I'm drowning in the midst of it, that would be great! I mentioned to a friend yesterday that I LOVED all the doors opening for me, but was struggling with maintaining the balance. She said she always thought of this stage of life as "spinning plates". HOW COOL IS THAT!?

Hello, blog... let's be friends again...

The post I really wanted to do...

Today is my Derek's 14th birthday. 14 years ago, I was holding a tiny, skinny amazing little guy. I had no idea what to do with him, but was willing to try anything to make him happy! I wasn't too young... 23... but looking back, I am amazed at what a child I felt like. I suddenly knew nothing!

We had to learn everything together. We learned about sleeping and the lack of, nursing and the pain that can come along with that. We learned of nurses that would rather take the easy road and feed a baby sugar water rather than help a new mother learn how to feed her baby. We learned about jaundice.


But we also learned how sweet those early morning cuddles can be, and the wonder of a cat seeing a baby for the first time... and vice versa. We learned about sweet laughter. We saw parents become grandparents for the first time and the instant adoration of both parties.

And now, we are learning about girlfriends, and new phones, and how much fun 14 can be. I just adore my teenager. My son. I can't imagine my life without having shared all of these first together.May God bless your life, Derek. I pray that you clearly hear His calling for you, and that you always find your peace in His arms.

How content am I?

Contentment. Isn't that where we all strive to be? Why is it so hard to stay there?

It's like the ultimate vacation spot that we all long to go to. When the opportunity comes for us to immediately be transported there with all expenses covered, wouldn't we all jump on it? But what if it doesn't look like what we always thought it would look like? What if we find we are suddenly there? Why do we only linger for a bit before we are off... itching for the next thing... and always looking for something just beyond?

I find this feeling hits me hardest with material things. New clothes, new gadgets, new fabric, etc. Most recently... yesterday... I was hit with the new phone bug. It's been hovering for a year now, but I'd swat it away after dreaming for a bit. Not now, my phone is just fine. Yes, the battery dies at the drop of a hat... and it shuts itself off when it wants to... and seems to be possessed from time to time, but it's fine.

Until yesterday. Suddenly, I couldn't resist any longer. I gave in.I've never owned the nicest phone in the house before. I do love it... don't get me wrong. It's very exciting to have something so nice and new and to have so many options at my fingertips. I won't tell you how many hours I've already spent playing with it and getting it set up "just so". I also won't tell you how many hours of sleep I missed out on last night because of it.

But, the guilt is setting in. Was it necessary? Did it really provide contentment? No. It's just a toy.

We talked tonight of the longing, the groaning that our Spirit gives when that deep thirst can't be quenched. The one that "this world can't satisfy". When will we learn that all the new gadgets and clothes and eating and ... (fill in the blank) can't ever satisfy that longing that we feel when we just need to be with God.

When will we figure out that we just need to be content with what we've got now and enjoy it as we wait patiently for that day...

Fortune Cookie

Kevin picked up Chinese for us for lunch last week. We always get General Tso's to share. Love it.

My fortune cookie almost made me laugh in disbelief. "The coming month shall bring you much happiness" Yeah, right. May is notoriously my most insane month of the year. It's the last month of school which brings Chorus programs, awards programs, field days, band concerts, field trips, Girl Scout trips, church events,... you get the picture. You probably live in the same world.

The problem is, it also brings the opera. As everyone else counts down in glee to the last day of school... I am counting down in a panic. There's just not enough time in the day to do everything I have to do.

So, happiness coming this month?? hmmm... ok.

I tell you what... that cookie was RIGHT on! I have been surprised by the neatest blessings in the past week or so! A little girl that has me as an invisible friend, a teen girl that I've never met called be beautiful, a new friendship, affirmation and praise from church leadership, a dear friend that is having "Chaney withdrawals", a hubby that has been waiting on the Lord for guidance gets an answer he LOVES, a baby boy that called out to me as I walked into the church auditorium... my list goes on and on...

It is just the happy boost that I needed to push me forward through this month. Thank you, Father for my sweet gifts of love...

Avoidance

You've heard the new song by Laura Story. It's really hitting the waves right now and so many people are posting it on Facebook and blogs... and I like it. But I don't WANT to.

It says things too perfect. Too real. And everyone else is saying it... I don't like doing things that everyone else does.

But man... today I couldn't hide from it. Somehow, i feel that it might become my mantra for the next year.

This year is going to completely change our life as we know it. And that's just the things I know about. I don't even see the unseen things yet... but know they are there. I'm excited... but mostly terrified. I keep arranging conversations in my head that I want to have with different people to try to pre-fix things to minimize my hurt for the changes. I am trying to so hard not only to guard my heart, but PLAN everything for everyone so that it won't hurt me. WOW. How sad is that??

I've been down this hurt road before. It was the worst. But, at the end of it was the Best.

I just don't want to take THIS road, though!! There's got to be a better one!

God, guard my heart... and my mouth. When my heart is hurt, my mouth does it's own thing... and makes the hurt worse for me and all around me. Remind me of the blessings waiting for me...

Laura Story - "Blessings" Lyrics

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,
It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

my latest project courtesy of my Gamy

One of my favorite blogs is www.newdressaday.com. Marisa always comes up with the most fascinating re-creations of outdated/oversized/just plain ugly dresses. She turns these rejects into fashion statements!

In honor of Marisa's creations, I took a bag of polyester squares that I inherited from my Gamy. Gamy is my Mom's mother. She has always been a huge inspiration to me... I just adore her.
When I went to visit for her 80th birthday in October, I was able to bring many of her crafting supplies home with me to continue her legacy in sewing. One of the things I acquired was a plastic bag of small polyester squares. These pieces are from clothes my Mom and her sisters wore as well as my cousins and I. She cut all the squares and then when her hands got too stiff and painful, she had to set these aside. I grabbed them up and decided to test out my brand new serger.

I started whipping these little squares together into long rows and then put the rows together...

... and made the cutest scrappy quilt skirt! I wore it today to church and out to lunch and got the best compliments. Not only is it an original, fun, colorful skirt, it's a great reminder of my loved ones and happy memories. I was aiming to get this finished to be able to wear to the Atlanta Sewing Expo this week... and JUST made it. Yay for my new serger!!

So here it is!! How fun is this??

Thanks, Gamy... for the fabric... and inspiration. I love you.

My 259 pound baby

I just finished a new book: "Sisterchicks do the Hula!". In the book, two best friends decide to celebrate their 40th birthdays by running away to Hawaii for a week. While there, Laurie shares 259 pics with Hope that she's never shown anyone else... including her husband. Hope is shocked that this amazing talent has never been made public and asks why. Laurie explains, "As long as I keep them tucked away like my own little treasure, then no one can reject them or criticize them. Everybody has an opinion." Hope answers, "...you know in your gut that you have to do something with this gift... It's like you're carrying around this 259 pound baby that you want to protect from thie big, bad world. And you know what? You just have to give birth and trust God for what's going to happen after that."

I have so many creative avenues in my life. I love to draw, to paint, sew. I love to create. I make aprons, clothing, jewelry... I have full sized paintings of landscapes, fairies, flowers... I am writing some now. I have a lot of spinning plates, and most of them involve some form of creative outlet. But for the most part I don't do anything with them once I finish a project. I have a closet full of aprons that are all pressed and ready to be worn. I have cute little hair barrettes. I have so many paintings all stacked up with no place to hang them. What good is all this?? Why can't I put them out there for the world??

Because they are my creations. They are windows into the heart of me. I can't handle the thought of someone looking into my window and saying it's not good enough. It's been something I've struggled with for a long time. I end up hiding away from my art and from creating my art because of that. It's very sad. What's ironic is that I teach an art class in our county Juvenile Detention Center and I tell those boys every week that what they create IS art. They complain because they "don't know how to draw" or they "can't make art". I remind them weekly that anything that comes from their heart IS their art. It doesn't have to LOOK like art they see out in the world, because it's THEIRS. It's their baby. Their creation.

The Sisterchicks talk about this. "You said the other day that my ability to create this art is a gift God gave me... that every life is a story... and the artist simply expresses the truth and beauty of that story. I can do that... I can interpret the story because... I'm an artist."

God, give me the guts to share your story through my art. To let people see my heart... your heart... through the windows of my creations.