I decided that today would be Isaac day. Isaac is my miracle baby. We thought we were finished with two babies and were even using proper precautions and God had other plans. Thank goodness!! Now, don't get me wrong... I was actually on my knees begging God to turn me into the happy homemaker, supermom that I was NOT. I actually said the words, "if you've decided that we HAVE to have this baby, you have GOT to FIX me!!"
I was not a terribly emotionally healthy person at this stage of life. My amazing 5 and 1 1/2 year olds were somehow thriving in spite of me, but I knew I couldn't continue on the path I was on.
But... I got past my grieving and then we were able to laugh about it. One more?? Sure! Bring it on! Which, by the way, is how he ended up being named "laughter"... Isaac.
So fast forward 5 months. It had not been my easiest pregnancy... my silly placenta kept getting in the way and causing problems... so I had been on and off bedrest for a while. I finally got clearance to continue life, so I forged ahead and took Derek to register for Kindergarten and then school shopping. I didn't feel great that day, but nothing terrible and I had too much to do to lay around any more. I blamed it on the lethargy that comes from post-bedrest and pressed on.
Long story short... I was in labor. Didn't figure it out until much later that day and by that point it was concluded that I could no longer stay at home. Despite the fact that my maternity insurance didn't kick in until Aug 1 (this is July 23), I was heading back to the hospital. We tried all the "cure-alls" for early labor and then my amazing Dr. called for the ambulance to transport me from my local hospital to UAB... an hour away. Turns out, if he'd been born at my local hospital he would have never survived. They couldn't take care of babies that early. 17 weeks early.
Once I came out of my drug induced stupor several hours later, Kevin was standing over me very anxiously trying to get me to help name our baby. We had not decided on anything because we still had 4 months to go. Talk about pressure! We finally decided on Isaac because of the meaning and then chose his middle name for a public figure that we both admire. Then the chaos started.
Let me flashback a minute. Kevin told me later that when he arrived at the hospital, they handed him a stack of forms and informed him that UAB's age of viability at that time was 24 weeks. Basically, this meant that because Isaac was 23 weeks and 6 days, he was not considered viable, so they didn't have to save him. Unless we signed these papers, they would deliver him and "make him comfortable"... and that would be it. WHAT??? I've wondered since then how many petrified parents choose not to sign... so afraid of the unknowns.
Isaac was 1 pound 7.2 oz at birth. If you picture a holocaust victim that's just literally skin and bones... that was what he looked like. His skin was not fully formed, so it was tacky to the touch... he had to be wrapped in saran wrap to keep his heat in. His eyes were sealed shut. He fit in the palm of one hand. He was immediately taken to the NICU where he was hooked up to monitors for every part of his body. Heart, temperature, lungs (ventilator), IV's, etc. SOOOO many machines... just to replace my body that could no longer hold him and help him finish his development.
He lived at UAB for three months. It was a rollercoaster ride... without the fun "let's do it again" feeling at the end. He had almost every preemie ailment and predicament that was available. I use to remember all the acronyms for all of them... it's starting to fade now. ROP, IVH grade I and IV, NEC... it becomes your new language when you are living in that world. The ones that traumatized us the worst were the IVH and NEC. NEC is Necrotizing Entercolitis... which basically means that their digestive systems are doing a violent protest against feedings. God designed our bodies to grow these little guys for 10 months and has all their nutrition needs taken care of inside of us. When they are outside and being given manmade nutrition, it causes problems. Their systems started tearing up. Sores are created in their intestines which can lead to perforations... which is the beginning of the end. Surgery is the only option at that point, but surgery to babies that size is terribly risky and sometimes they just don't have the strength to recover. We didn't get to that stage with him, but we were close. He had some lesions and possible holes, but we watched hour by hour always on edge waiting for that "sign" that it was time to operate. Thank goodness, he healed.
The IVH is interventricular hemmorhage. A brain bleed... small on one side(grade I) and large on the other(grade IV). His brain scans show no left temporal lobe now. Wherever the blood touched, the tissue died.
So, flashforward now... how is my brave little man??
He is happy! It's been a long 7 year road... lots of doctors and therapists and teachers and friends have been with us all along the way and helped us through so many situations that I couldn't have gotten us through. His gross motor skills have always been right on target... meaning he will be out there running and jumping and riding his bike and scooter WAAYY earlier than any therapist could predict, but everything else has had a lag. He talked much later and still has a speech therapist weekly. He is just now learning letters and writing them and sounds. He is learning social skills that you see 4 and 5 year olds learning. His pain tolerance is VERY high... for a long time I had to have him on a special watch with caregivers because if he was hurting, he would not react at all. Until this year, he used his "shell" to hide from situations or people he was not comfortable with. So even last Spring, he spent every soccer practice and game standing in the middle of the field with his head down and thumb in mouth with his "shell" on. No interaction, trying to be invisible. This year, he's running with the rest of them and doing great!! He just this week really started opening up to adults and having conversations. It's so much fun to watch!
He is an amazing boy. His name for laughter has really been for our benefit. He has brought so much laughter and joy to us. I can't wait to see what God has in store for him!
Today is my Derek's 14th birthday. 14 years ago, I was holding a tiny, skinny amazing little guy. I had no idea what to do with him, but was willing to try anything to make him happy! I wasn't too young... 23... but looking back, I am amazed at what a child I felt like. I suddenly knew nothing!
May God bless your life, Derek. I pray that you clearly hear His calling for you, and that you always find your peace in His arms.
